Do unto others

We attempt rational review rather than ranting and raving. Why is it that I have to herd cats with jelly legs [translation = children] whereas HE sweeps about with a school of well trained fish? [translation = children] I try and keep the tone of 'grossly unfair' out of my voice, during the discussion. What is it that he does or doesn't do, that I am do wrongly or not doing? What is the difference? He shrugs his shoulders with a blank expression in return. I try again to extract the pertinent facts from my husband. What is his secret? Why won't he share?

On the whole, due to spouse's commitment to work [translation = voluntary servitude] he isn't home very much. When he is at home, during the weekend, [translation = sometimes but not necessarily awake] he will often take the children out for a jaunt. [translation = especially lately due to maternal malfunctioning] During such occasions, small people remain vertical and move about as a unit. This is in direct contrast with my own experience where those same small people either lie down or run away or both. Now this is a man who might directly benefit from such behaviours. [translation = weight issues, diabetes and high cholesterol mean that frantic burst of exercise would be a plus] I should really like someone to explain why our experiences are directly opposed? Who should I ask? The perpetrator. [translation = the man with parenting superpowers]

His excursions with the children are not without event, but it's a question of the order of magnitude. [translation = Richter scale.] It has long been my experience that I have failed to perform to the standards that others expect. [translation = could do better] Generally I hover between E for effort and F for failure. For myself, I am content with 'better than yesterday.' [translation = slacker] Be that as it may, for the most part, I am more than happy to cheat and lie to gain a better grade, and for the right now, I long to plagiarize, but he won't give me as much as a peek.

“What?” he asks.
“What what? I didn't say anything?”
“You didn't have to, I can see your question written all over your face.”
“Really! How very astute of you. So what is the answer then oh great one?”

It’s always 22, regardless of the question.

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Of course my father has a quip for such occasions which runs 'if you can't take a joke, then you shouldn't have joined.' This roughly translates to 'if you have no sense of humour, then you should have taken this pertinent fact into account prior to the arrival of the sperm.'

Grandparents take particular delight in seeing their children struggle with the next generation. This is fair enough, as it is only right and proper that their should be a few compensations becoming a senior, now that status of ‘wise being’ has been eroded.

I expect it’s more amusing for them, the grandparents, if their their children breed later in life. The generation who choose to have everything, career, security then children later…….

Grandparents worry that it will never happen, or if it does, that they’ll already be in their graves. Their style of parenting has been thrown out along with the arc, disparaged and undermined. How they must chuckle.

Parents deal with their different children and their different characters as best they may. But more often than not, before you know it, you find that a peculiar turn of phrase has become the norm. It happens without you even noticing. It doesn’t so much ‘creep up on you,’ rather, it wasn’t there one moment, and suddenly it is, like a slight of hand.

When she asks “please can I watch some TV now?” my automatic response is, “wow that is such a great idea, wouldn't that be fun, but first we need to………”
This is using a child’s self generated motivation and subverting it for the parent’s own selfish needs. I think that's called switch and bait at home and American's call 'distraction.'

I suspect, although I have no corroborating evidence, that this method of child development will lead to a generation of permanently confused children. They never have the opportunity to follow through. They are always one step behind.

Alternatively, which is probably worse, you'll end up with a more advanced and canny child. Perhaps a generation who will be one step ahead. With senility advancing apace, I can foresee that such a scenario isn't so far fetched.

She won't even bother to ask if she can watch television, instead she'll leap frog over the whole issue with “hey Mom, I have a really great idea, after I've finished watching my television programme, I'll be only to happy to…..” You'll be left in the kitchen in a state of bewilderment, knowing that you've missed something but unable to determine exactly what it was or how it happened?

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